What If?
by twilightstargazer
Summary: What if James was able to protect them? What if Harry and Lily had been able to get away? Scene from the day after the end of the second wizarding war. It's a nice case of the sads. Oneshot.


_**I wrote this back in May but never posted it on here because I deemed it to painful. However, since it's October there is no limit to how painful something can be.**_

_**(PS: keep in mind that this was a prompt request before you come at me with pitchforks and torches. I'd **__**never purposely**__** hurt you all.)**_

_**Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Harry Potter, but it's nice to dream, yeah?**_

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><p>It wasn't fair, Lily mused as she stood in front of the two freshly covered graves. It wasn't fair that the baby- Remus' baby who was no older than a few months old- would have to live without knowing how brave his father had been, how vivacious was his mother, how proud the two of them would have been of him. It just wasn't fair.<p>

She had managed to get through the funeral well enough. It was a small affair. She, Harry, Andromeda and the remainder of the Weasleys had gathered to bury their loved ones. Lily had stood off to the side awkwardly and watched the Andromeda and Molly do something no mother would ever want to have to do- bury their child. Lily was ashamed of herself for having her eyes seek out Harry's lanky figure, so much like his father's that it made her chest hurt. She was ashamed that not ten paces from her were two inconsolable mothers burying their children and here she was secretly rejoicing that her son, her Harry, was standing, heart still beating, chest still rising and falling as blood still coursed through his veins. She felt vile.

Everyone had gone back to the burrow after the quiet affair. Everyone except her. She stayed back at the cemetery for quite a while after they left.

Remus' headstone was white, much like that of the others beside him, and was inscribed upon in Latin. Underneath the almost foreign script to her read a line in English, '_Liberty for a wolf, is death for the lambs._' Despite it all, Lily felt a chuckle grow from inside her and burst forth through her lips in a small choking sound. She tried to imagine what Remus would say if he could see it- no doubt he too would laugh and contrive some witty retort. Quickly, she banished the thought from her mind as her eyes clouded with water.

"Oh Remus," she murmured, "You silly little boy. God, I'm going to miss you and Tonks. Who else is going to make stupid jokes about me going stag somewhere if not you and Sirius?"

Sirius. His name caused her breath to hitch and she found her eyes being summoned to headstone right next to Remus'. Her fingers brushed across Remus' one last time before she stumbled forward, tripping over a stray root, only to catch herself on the one next his. White marble. Name. Date of birth. Date of death. Some silly quote beneath it all. She would never understand how people could even try to fit the very essence of someone's soul into two lines. For him someone had chosen '_Death is simply getting out of one car and into another_.' It was so _Sirius_ that he would have chosen and John Lennon quote. She knew she shouldn't have introduced him to the Beatles when they were in fifth year. She assumed that he was just taking the mickey back then when he asked about them, but he came along not soon after singing 'Hey Jude' whenever he saw her. She hadn't touched a single one of her records in the last two years.

He would have laughed if he saw her now, clutching to his grave to keep herself from stumbling face first in to the dirt. "I knew you would fall for me someday, Red," he would say with a lascivious grin and pulled her so tight to him that Lily could have sworn that a few of her ribs would crack. "Who needs Prongs when you've got Sirius Black right here?" Her breath was coming in panting gasps now and her vision was all but gone as tears leaked down her face.

She tore her eyes away from Sirius' grave and focused on the one spot she had been avoiding for the whole morning.

At Remus' funeral this morning she felt anger and frustration. She wanted to wrench open the pretty coffin that had been lowered into the ground, grab him by the shoulders and shake him. She wanted to yell and scream at him to get up. That he couldn't be gone. He couldn't leave her and Teddy behind. He couldn't.

At Sirius' funeral, she was inconsolable. She was screaming and crying and was a whole snotty red ball in general for the entire day and weeks to come. Losing Sirius was like losing a limb. He was her brother in all but blood and she couldn't bear to see him hidden in the ground by dirt and grass. She hadn't even bothered to watch when it happened instead choosing to press her head into Remus' shirt and bawl.

The next headstone was still a pristine gleaming white as though it was only planted there yesterday. A sob wrenched through her. She wished it was only yesterday and not over sixteen years ago. Slowly, Lily found her hand shakily reaching out to trace the letters as she fell forward. Her legs, no longer able to support her weight, pressed into the damp grass and the tears were flowing freely now.

James Potter, the stone read.

At his funeral she was practically a vegetable. She couldn't even get up to throw dirt on the coffin. She couldn't even muster up a single tear. Harry had been crying the whole morning, begging for his Dada and she didn't even do anything to console him besides handing him off to Remus and Sirius to deal with. She did nothing.

The customary dates were scrawled beneath it and the quote Remus or Sirius or someone had chosen to put on it glared back at her. '_The last enemy to be destroyed is death_.' Lily snorted. "You were pigheaded enough to believe that weren't you?" she shook her head and another sob broke through. "You always were an arrogant little toerag." Her hands gripped the stone like a lifeline. "Harry did it," she breathed and squeezed her eyes shut, causing more tears to roll over her cheeks. "Our Harry. Our little baby boy. He did it. He killed Voldemort." She took a shuddering breath. "He looks so much like you and it kills me on the inside. Sometimes he acts just like you. He would say something that you would have, he flies the same way you did- stupid and reckless but still so goddamn beautiful- Christ, he even gets ink all over his bloody hands like you did when he's writing something. And the letters from McGonagall," she shook her head. "Merlin, if you were there you would probably be laughing and grinning that stupid grin and congratulating him. He-" she pauses to snort out a chuckle that was short and broken, "He flew a _car_ into the _Whomping Willow,_ James. _A car._

"One time, when he came back home for the summer, he showed me that he knew how to do a patronus charm. It was a ruddy stag. I almost broke down in the kitchen," Lily had somehow managed to haul herself between the small space between where Sirius and James lay. "You lied to me, Potter," she said, her voice cracking. Tear drops littered the edge of her jumper and her sleeves were also moist. "You told me- when we first started going out seventh year; do you remember it? I was so bloody fed up of you that you grabbed you and snogged you in the common room for the world to see. You didn't stop smiling for weeks. You told me that you never would leave my side, that the two of us would grow old together and raise our own quidditch team of messy dark haired and red haired children. You fucking liar James Potter," she sobbed, leaning her head against the cool stone. "You were gone before we could even raise Harry properly," she whispered. "All my boys are gone now." Her shoulder shook and she could barely breathe.

"We didn't grow old together," she managed to gasp out before she was overcome with body wracking sobs. "You lied. We didn't."

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><p><strong><em>Hugs and kisses and tissues ;)<em>**


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